The fruitcake disaster of 2k15

Peyton Upshaw

Every year Selena bakes her boy
Dean a fruitcake for Christmas. She
slaves for hours, and every year Dean,
being the nice guy he is, thanks her.
Then he drops it into the trashcan,
the moment she leaves.
However this year was different.
Dean had completely forgotten to
get his mother Mary a present. So,
using his noggin – Dean decided to
put the fruitcake to good use and instead
of throwing it away like
the piece of trash it is, he will
give it to Mary and she will say
“Oh, Dean is the best little boy
a mother could ever have!”
The day had come and Dean
called up Selena to see if she
was finally finished
getting ready. When
she got to Dean’s house,
she suggested that Dean
should bring the fruitcake
she made to the feast, because
she thought it would be horrible
if they didn’t bring anything
at all. Dean, being the smart guy he
is, quickly assured Selena that the
fruitcake she gave him was already
gone, he finished the whole thing
last night. So, instead of a fruitcake
they opened up the fridge and
found an old bag of Chinese food .
After all, who has a Christmas party
without Chinese food?
Selena and Dean were having a
great time, as they always did when
family came in town for the holidays.
Once they were ready for dessert,
the dishes started flowing toward the
table. Apple pie, pumpkin pie, and
finally the fruitcake. Dean’s eyeballs
grew larger than an elephant,
but he wasn’t sure that Selena had
seen the fruitcake yet. He glanced
over and she was red with anger.
She proceeded to confront him
adding in a plethora of ‘No-No
words’, darkening the mood
of the dinner. Insults were
flying and were being shot
left and right, as was some dinnerware. Eventually she
stormed out the room with anger and Dean
realized to himself, he should have never
regifted that stupid, disgusting, fruitcake.

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