How to ensure a visit from the real Santa

Rahul Zota

Making sure the Santa that comes
to your house on Christmas is easy!
Its honestly a piece of cake.
1. Get a bowl full of florescent coffee
jello and jiggle it. Then make
him jiggle his belly. If they don’t
jiggle in the same pattern then he’s
not Santa.
2. See if he can eat 44908 chocolate
chip cookies at once. If he can’t
then he’s not Santa.
3. Take a sample of his blood and
lick it too see if it tastes like peppermint.
If it doesn’t, then he’s not
Santa and you better go get a blood
test fast.
5. Shave his beard and if it doesn’t
grow back in .0-25-897 seconds.
Then he’s not Santa.
6. Send him to the North Pole and
if he doesn’t come back that means
he froze to death and he isn’t Santa.
7. Get 9 reindeer and line them
up, if they kick him harshly in the
shins. Then he’s not Santa.
8. Get 25 identical replicas of Ms.
Clause and make him tell you
which one is real. If he can’t then
he’s not Santa.
9. Put him on a roof and then push
him off in a sleigh. If he breaks his
neck then he’s not Santa.
10. Put him on a scale and if he
doesn’t weigh 251.2 then he’s not
Santa
If the Santa that comes to your
house this Christmas, doesn’t
match this criteria, then you really
need to move because the man
who gave you presents this year
ISN’T SANTA.

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Author: The Hawk Eye

Hanover High School, Mechanicsville, Virginia The Hawk Eye Student Newspaper thehawkeye@hcps.us

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