GRANNY CROC THIEF

Peyton Upshaw

Phillip was putting on his crocs
at three in the morning. Usually
it wasn’t until about eight that he
would be doing so, but this was an
entirely different circumstance. Today
was Black Friday, his favorite
day to shop.
Every year, Phillip stockpiled all
of his money under his mattress in
preparation for Black Friday. After
getting ready, he went to count his
dough. He lifted the mattress and
gasped. This year he had saved so
much. He counted a few times, but
lost track. He hadn’t counted this
high since high school, twenty years
ago. His mouth dropped. Phillip had
saved more than ever before: $25.77.
“Come on mom we’re going to
be late!” he yelled. Phillip was upset
that his mother wouldn’t speed
up, but there was nothing he could
do about it. He still didn’t have his
permit. “You need to get your gosh
dern license already Phillip! You’re
almost 50 years old!” she yelled.
They arrived at Target. It was crazy.
But honestly, Phillip loved waiting
outside of Target at 4 a.m. to save
a couple of dollars. Who wouldn’t?
But the best was yet to come.
The gates to Target opened and
people began trampling each
other like hungry savages just
to be the first ones inside.
As usual, Phillip sat back
and watched, but that
was his biggest mistake.
Eventually Phillip began
running. He had his
mind on one thing and
one thing only. His love
and passion, the most important
thing in his entire life — Crocs. He
started sprinting, jumping and tripping
over the bodies of old women
like he was in the Olympics for nanny-
jumping and eventually he found
what he was looking for. The Crocs.
There was only one pair left so he
started running for it.
He could only imagine the hot
pink Crocs on his feet and he wanted
nothing more than to actually experience
it. He reached his right hand
out and grabbed the bottom of the
Crocs, only to find that there was another,
much more wrinkly hand
there too. He looked up.
“Grandma?” He started pulling and he realized
his grandmother was stronger and about to
steal the shoes away from him. “Give
them to me you little punk!”
she screamed. She made a fist and
knocked Phillip out. He was laid
flat out, like Flat Stanley.
He woke up hours later and began
crying. The Target employees had
to help him out to his mother’s car
where she lay sleeping. He started
banging on the window, but she was
a pretty heavy sleeper and didn’t
wake up. Eventually he pulled the
handle and as it turned out it was
open already but he didn’t care. He
was too upset about losing his Crocs.
“Why are you so upset, Phillip?”
his mother said. “There’s always Cyber
Monday!”

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