Definitive guide to airhorning

Janak Janai

The beloved airhorn, a paragon
of sonic irony, is a powerful
Great power comes with
great responsibility, thus the
airhorn must be utilized with
the utmost caution.
A phenomenon this annoying
can easily breach the subtle
humor barrier and venture into
post-irony territory, or perhaps
brave entirely unknown lands
such as meta-post-irony.
Surpassing this, it may reach
a critical mass and engulf the
universe in confusion over what
level or exponent of irony it has
Knowing this, young disciples
must be properly trained in
the ancient way of dank airhorn
trap remixes.
1. Airhorns are a spice, not a
marinade. Less is always more.
2. High airhorn notes shall be
reserved for only the freshest,
hottest new mixtapes.
3. If used in public outside of
musical performances, it shall
only be unleashed in the most
“rad” of social gatherings.
4. If a scenario necessitates
urban camouflage, an airhorn
may make hoodlums congregating
on street corners believe
you are one of them.
5. Spending an entire paycheck
on bulk orders of airhorns
is a perfectly acceptable practice.
Food may nourish your
body, but airhorns nourish the
6. When one’s brethren are
ready to spit rhymes, it is acceptable
to drop a booming beat
with one’s airhorn.
Of course, airhorns are not
inherently suited to everyone.
Those who wish to pursue a
more experimental, sophisticated
sound for their music can opt
for a didgeridoo.
Even the vuvuzela, as widely
loathed as it is, carries some
advantages over the airhorn.
Regardless of which instrument
one decides to choose,
disciples must always remember
the golden rule: create only the
dankest compositions.


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