The day is here. Next to my wedding
this has to be the BIGGEST
NIGHT of my life. Everything has to
be perfect. IT. MUST. BE. PERFECT.
First, the boy. I have been scanning
my prospective candidates since
what, like 4th grade? If I had a boyfriend
this whole process could be
negated but, alas, I do not. So, first I
will place the candidates into categories
based on interests.
The bad boy: boys who are failing
school but succeeding in making my
father oh so uncomfortable. The nerd
boys: boys who were the only reason
I passed chemistry last year. The athletic
boys: the boys that are, like, captains
of the football, volleyball and
lacrosse teams (and total bonus points
in the attractive category.) The home
boy: the boy who you have known
since you were five and have always
been friends with, but a viable date to
the prom? You’re not so sure.
Next, the dress. First, color. Red
screams daring and striking, but it
just shows my white complexion.
Green or yellow is unique but does it
shout fun or just crazy? White shows
I’m pure and innocent, but let’s not
add to my already pale complexion.
Blue and purple are safe colors:
Then the hair. Short hair, no problem
but, long hair opens a world
of unrest and uncertainty.
Should it go up or down?
Up is a lot harder to do and maintain, but
down looks like I put no effort into
Now about my hair. Curly or straight ?
Curly means there might be added
frizz, and with the May humidity my
hair might be at a total loss, but straight hair
means an extra two hours
out of my prep time to get it
perfectly straight. Should you get
a professional to do it? Let’s face it,
you are no hair stylist but getting a
professional costs money.
The makeup. Matte or shimmer
eye shadow? Matte is safe and more
natural and can potentially help your
bold lip color. Plus with shimmer eye
shadow your eyes will be the first
thing people see, and if your dress is
your focus this may not be what you
Lip gloss or lipstick? Lip gloss
brings a shiny look to your face but
will not bring color, just shine. But
lipstick brings color and when you
kiss your bad boy, nerd, jock or
homeboy it will leave that signature
ring. Fake or real nails? Fake nails
hurt and can fall off, but can be more
eye-catching, while real nails are
more comfortable and can be cheaper
Everyone knows that
no prom is complete without
dinner beforehand. Italian?
Way too messy and way to much
stain potential. Mexican? May
make your stomach upset and
you do not want to end up in the
bathroom for the whole dance. Chinese?
You never know what is exactly
in Chinese and when you think its chicken
it might not be meat at all, too much
is in question when tonight has to
Finally the after party. Small or
big? A small party would be more
exclusive and only your real friends
would be there, but a large party
would bring more people and way too
much clean up.
Prom: The time of the school year
where ladies can put their hair up and
let loose with their date. But what is
it like for guys? Let me fill
you in on the prom experience,
for a man.
After that realization
that prom is about a month
or two away, men typically
run rampant trying to find a
date, by cooking up elaborate
schemes to get a date by using
giant signs, gifts and their sense
of humor, hoping that the lovely
person will say yes. Remember
this one rule though: pizza never
fails. No matter how cheesy (pun
intended) that prom-posal is, it is
guaranteed to be accepted (Warning
this may be rejected, and if they reject
pizza, then maybe they weren’t a
good prom date anyways.)
The most nerve-wracking part
about prom for guys, is not what we
look like at the big night, but how
much it costs to even be at that big
night. Tickets alone cost $35 for one
person, and you’re usually expected
to buy tickets for both you and your
lovely date. That’s $70 right off the
bat. And that’s just to go to your decorated
school gymnasium. If prom is
somewhere else, get ready to pay up.
Next comes the hardest part of
prom: finding a tuxedo that matches
your date. If your tux is even one
shade off from your date, then to
quote Flo Rida, “It’s going down for
real.” That’s why you need a picture
of what they’re wearing so that you
know what to get. There have been
many lives ruined because people
and their date haven’t matched.
Don’t let yours be ruined too.
Ok, so you have your tickets
and your tux now, so here
comes dinner. You’re going to want a place
that won’t give you indigestion, but also
a place that is good for your wallet. For
these reasons, a place like Hanover
Tavern is a good choice. It serves delicious
food for reasonable prices, and your date will likely
love the place.
How will you get to prom? With
your 20th century Honda civic? Your
dad’s truck/sports car? Or will
you choose to rent a limousine?
The benefits of using your
own car, are that you feel more
comfortable and it’s cheap. However,
if your car is a run-down car like
mine, you might want to consider
borrowing one of your parent’s cars
or getting a limo. With your parents’
car, you get a nice ride. However, if
you get a scratch on that automobile,
you’re figuratively dead. With a
limo, you get a nice ride, with a great
group of people. However, they cost
around $250-300, so you need a big
group willing to pay for it. However,
the limo will make your date’s night,
so there’s that to look forward to.
Now, what will you do for your
after party? Try to pick a nice place
with a group of friends, where you
can hang out and have fun with some
good people. If you’re extroverted,
make it a place with a lot of friends.
If you’re introverted, then make it a
small intimate experience. But just
please, do not make any stupid decisions.
Here it is, prom day. Make sure to
take a shower, put on cologne, and
try to remember to pick your date
up. So go wild. Dance, even. Don’t
be afraid to have fun with the person
you’re going to prom with. And don’t
worry so much about having a plan,
because chances are, your date’s already
got it covered.