It’s because he’s green, isn’t it?

Rahul Zota

April 22—also known as the notorious
day we celebrate our good
ole’ Earth. What could be better than
that?
It seems like everyone should be
unified in celebration, however there
are some individuals who feel “as cuddly
as a cactus” and seek to destroy
the Earth Day spirit.
Nobody knows why this “Earth
Day Grinch” does this. He just does.
On Earth Day, one of the most
common ways to celebrate the Earth
is to garden, but not if you are anything
like the Earth Day Grinch.
No, the Earth Day Grinch will go
find someone else’s garden and pull
up every single plant and put it in his
little trash bag. Then he’ll proceed to
burn the trash bag.
Does that sound bad? That is probably
the nicest thing the Earth Day
Grinch will do in his attempt to ruin
Earth Day and everybody’s Earth Day
spirit.
Another super common way to
help the environment is to recycle.
Even though people should already
recycle, on Earth Day it is pretty
much a social law to recycle, but not
if you are anything like the Earth Day
Grinch.
No, the Earth Day Grinch will
purposely put plastic into the “Glass-
Only” section of the recycling bin. He
will put paper into the “Plastic-Only”
section. He will put glass in the “Paper-
Only” section. He will even put
trash into any of these recycling bins
just to try to ruin our Earth Day spirit.
The Earth Day Grinch is truly sinister–
the definition of evil.
On Earth Day, people will even go
out and pick up trash on the streets.
Even some businesses will give people
free gloves to promote cleaning. It’s
great.
After people help clean up trash on
the streets, they usually feel good, but
not if you are the Earth Day Grinch.
Nope, the Earth Day Grinch will
be the primary reason people have to
go pick up trash.
He will go and pick up all the trash
he can from dump heaps more appalling
than his soul and also from your
ex-girlfriend/boyfriend’s house just
to clutter the streets until they are
overflowing with the most disgraceful
assortment of deplorable rubbish
imaginable mangled up in tangled up
knots.
On Earth Day, people try to save
water and energy. This doesn’t just
help the environment, it also
helps save you money. People
will ride bikes so they don’t
have to use cars, take
shorter showers, turn off
the water while brushing their teeth or
even use a bucket, instead
of a hose, while washing
their cars. But not if you
are the Earth Day Grinch.
Nope, the Earth Day Grinch will purposely
do the exact opposite. He
will use a car, probably one
that will make Mother Earth cry
tears of acid rain, take super long showers,
keep the water running while brushing his
teeth and even use his hose while
washing his car.
Why does the Earth Day Grinch
do all of this? Nobody knows.
Perhaps he feels that the
world has done him wrong.
But inevitably, every
year on Earth Day, the
Earth Day Grinch always learns that
Earth Day isn’t a day for fun. He learns
that it is about keeping
the Earth clean and keeping
it a magnificent place for future
generations.
Every year there is an Earth Day Grinch
who finally learns the true meaning of
Earth Day and becomes a decent person.
It is scientifically proven, that when
an Earth Day Grinch learns the true meaning
of Earth Day his heart will grow three sizes.

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