Regular reindeer rehabilitation

Rahule Zota & Danielle White

On December 25, 2012, the first
spotting of a so-called “Rupert, the
Regular-Nosed Reindeer,” was recorded
at the North Pole.
Following this spotting, citizens of
Santa’s Workshop made it their goal
to find him.
After three seemingly eternal minutes
of nonchalant searching, Rupert
was found in the local hot chocolate
“I was never actually missing, people
just never looked for me,” Rupert
“Yeah, he is here almost every day,
but he is not really that special,” the
owner of Sugarbells’ Hot Chocolate
Shop, Spunky Sugarbells, said.
Rupert is actually the fraternal
twin of well-known Rudolph the
Red-Nosed Reindeer.
It seems Rupert and Rudolph were
like two peas in a pod, but when Rudolph
got famous and saved Christmas,
they became estranged.
“Rupert and I were the best of
friends growing up, but when I got
some friends, he just sort of faded
away into his hot chocolate,” Rudolph
said. “It was like I didn’t even know
him anymore. The hot-chocolateaholic
life changes people.”
As Captain of the Brotherhood of
Reindeer Oscillation Squad (BROS)
Rudolph nominated Rupert to be Cocaptain
of the BROS in order to help
Rupert cope with his addiction.
Every Christmas, Rudolph directs
Santa to his destination, and this year,
he has requested the help of his former
Upon hearing the news of the
nomination, Rupert had some mixed
emotions. After several miliseconds
of pretending to contemplate his
brother’s offer, Rupert finally decided
to accept.
Santa Claus himself was incredibly
anxious to have a new member join
the squad. He is more than happy to
lend a hand in aiding Rupert’s
“Ho ho ho,” Claus said.
“Ho ho ho ho ho, ho ho ho.”
Rupert has been attending
Oscillation training for the past two
weeks in order to fully prepare for his
new position.
“A lot goes into the art of Oscillating
in a reindeer squad brotherhood,”
fellow BROS brother, Blitzen said.
“It’s a lot of up and down and left and
right. Sometimes there’s a northwest
or southeast thrown in. The joint effort
of every brother is required if we
want to lift that fat sack and Santa’s
bag of presents, too.”
Rupert feels prepared to take on
his new role as a BROS brother now
that his training is complete.
“These last two weeks have
been the most challenging
weeks of my life,” Rupert
said. “I can only go up and down so
many times before I start
questioning what
my motivation is.”
On December 24, the time
will come for Rupert to fulfill his destiny.
Everything is expected to
be all candy canes and gumdrops
this Christmas with Rupert’s help.
Nearly two-months hot chocolate-
free, Rupert finds himself
almost completely rehabilitated.
“Whenever I think about
hot chocolate, I just remind
myself of the children
and the fame,” he
said. “Mostly the fame
Rupert, the Regular-
Nosed Reindeer will
soon become another
household name during
the holidays as
long as he can keep
his hooves free of hot cocoa.
“I now know how to control my
urges that result from the temptations
of cocoa. I’m still working on
how to resist the Sirens’ call from the
mini-marshmallows, but eventually, I
won’t have to try so hard.”
The fellow reindeer and elves wish
Rupert luck in his recovery, as do the
janitors of Santa’s Workshop.
Redemption is the glowing red
nose in a brisk, foggy Christmas
Eve night. With Santa and Rudolph
on his side, Rupert believes
he can overcome any obstacle.


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