Kiss Courtesy Goodbye

Danielle White

All year long young couples have
relentlessly boasted of the fact that
they are “in love” with their significant
others while nonchalantly emphasized
that those around them are,
alas, still single.
Not a single Man-Candy Monday
or Woman-Crush Wednesday opportunity
was surrendered all year and
no minor dating anniversary update
was left unrecognized.
But perhaps the most graphic of
all public displays of affection may be
the up close and personal hallway encounters.
It seems that a public learning
facility is one of the most romantic
places for today’s youth to express
their tender emotions.
A student cannot study for a history
quiz that he or she totally forgot
about in the early hours of the
morning without having to play a
casual game of Red-Rover with a
couple holding hands or maneuvering
around a pair of lovebirds standing in
the middle of the hallway, wrapped in
each other’s warm embrace.
It seems as though only single individuals
are bothered by the constant
inconveniences caused by couples.
When a single person asks an inseparable
pair engaged in affectionate activity
to move, it comes across to said
pair as bitterness, when in reality, the
individual just really needs to retrieve
his or her notebook from the table behind
the two.
Some star-crossed lovers are more
dramatic than others when it comes
to PDA. For example, a couple in a
less serious relationship might just
say “Goodbye” when departing from
each other while a couple that acts as
if they were Romeo and Juliet themselves
would shed a single tear and say
a marriage vow or two before leaving.
If viewing such a spectacle from a distance,
one might suspect that the boyfriend
is leaving for war rather than
leaving for third block.
Perhaps one of the strangest public
expressions of love are personalized
pet names. A name such as “sweetheart”
or “darling” is commonplace
and seems sweet, but if close attention
is paid to a tender twosome, some pet
names don’t seem like pet names at
all.
Does a warm feeling of comfort
and happiness flood through one’s
body after being called a “Pudgy
Pops?” Does one feel the true extent
of another’s affection when he or she
is referred to as “Muffy Nuggets?”
Not to mention, plenty of pet
names take longer to say than if the
person had recited the other’s full legal
name along with his or her social
security number and a line from his
or her favorite book. Ain’t nobody
got time for that. It would be easier
to stick with the simple stuff. Just ask
Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De
La Rosa Ramírez who likes to read
Shakespeare.
Sappy and cheesy lines should
stop, especially when a couple is already
together, at least in public.
No one wants to hear how someone
would rearrange the alphabet to put
U and I together or how Heaven must
be missing an angel.
If lines such as those are uttered
and heard by others with the exception
of the speaker’s significant other,
the rolling of several people’s eyes
would be almost audible.
Love is a beautiful thing, but it is
also an intimate thing and it is appreciated
when it is kept private, unless
the couple is cute and elderly. Otherwise,
there should be no excuse for
such improper flaunting of love.

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