The act of defending
the Santa Claus seems
like a lost cause. How
many times have the
words “Santa isn’t real”
shattered the childhood
wonder of a
The theory of the nonexistent
man has circulated
the globe for as long
as history has been recorded.
However, the logic
behind this theory
has numerous shortcomings.
the following reasoning
behind the Santa quandary
before crushing the dreams
of a small child or child-at-heart.
The first point to be brought to attention
is the belief that it is impossible
for one old, overweight individual
to travel the world in one night.
Sure, this is an unimaginable task for
a single human being to accomplish.
However, Santa is not a human being.
Santa is a magical life form who can
slow down time in order to reach every
cozy abode in one Earth day.
And to cut down on travel time,
Santa’s loyal elves built him a hometeleporting
machine that transports
him from one house to the next in
time equivalent to the speed of light,
so he’s in and out faster than you can
say “Ho Ho Ho!” The famous reindeer
and sleigh are simply for show. Santa
just rides around in the sky before or
after his duties are done in order to
keep up his reputation.
The second pondering point is the
claim that one’s own parents are the
ones to leave the gifts and eat the
holiday milk and cookies. This proposition
is purely preposterous. Would
a loving parent lie to his or her own
With that logic, the Tooth Fairy
and the Easter Bunny must not exist
either. The only reason that ludicrous
allegation came to be was because the
naughty children of the world receive
coal for Christmas and their parents
would replace the coal with the presents
that they bought themselves.
Why else would winter fires ignite
with such rapidity?
Thirdly, have you ever written
to Santa and received a reply? Don’t
even begin to try and suggest that it is
the doing of parents or postal workers
attempting to humor a gullible, naïve
These adults are responsible citizens
of the United States who
are most likely vaguely familiar
with US law concerning
fraud. As strong
as the love of a parent is,
no one would risk up to 30
years in prison for a petty
Now that you have
I hope your fallen
conclusions about Santa
are voided and your
Christmas spirit is restored.
The next time
you hear the breaking of a
kid’s heart because he or
she heard Santa is a myth,
share with your knowledge
and preserve their innocence,
because no one
wants to grow up if they
don’t have to.