First-World Problems

Danielle White

In a world filled with opportunity
and progress, there is no
denying the presence of pain and
wrongdoing throughout the nation.
Every day in America, thousands
of teenage citizens suffer the
effects of First World Problems.
First World Problems (FWP)
may perhaps be the leading cause
of sleepless nights and bad moods
in Hanover County, self-declared
scientists claim. Hanover High
School students speak out about
their first-hand experiences with
“I poured myself a bowl of cereal
for breakfast before school
one morning,” sophomore Ophelia
Payne says, “But when I
opened the fridge to get the milk,
I realized that we didn’t have any,
so I had to walk all the way downstairs
to our second fridge to get
the new gallon of milk.”
Many Americans are unaware
of this growing epidemic, despite
its severity and rapid rate of expansion.
Approximately seven
out of every ten Americans suffer
from FWP and this number is expected
to grow 18.4% by the year
One symptom of FWP includes
complaining about irrelevant
things, such as difficulty adjusting
the drawstrings on one’s sweatshirt
or hoodie to an equal length.
Another symptom is the unintentional
emotional or physical
harm to oneself via said luxuries,
for example, receiving paper cuts
from excessive Benjamin-handling.
FWP is completely preventable
as long as the proper steps are taken
to avoid being ungrateful and
Take the time to appreciate
the sugar and water along with
the spoon and pitcher life throws.
Don’t just focus on the limos.
Join the fight against FWP and
together, decency and common
courtesy can be recovered for one
person at a time.


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