Feelings. Some say that love makes the world go ‘round, but others say that it is a combination of gravitational pull when our solar system was formed and fairy dust.
But as February fast approaches, we are reminded that underneath our skin, we have feelings.
You can’t escape feelings. Like a contagious strain of the flu, you’ll catch a case of it. Full blown, spewing phlegm, sniffling away to Nicholas Sparks, Taylor Swift, Adele, or any of the multi-million dollar artists to make bank on heartbreak.
But luckily, there are several cures for feelings of mushy-gushy love. Anyone can find one to ease the pain, end the heartbreak. Just pick a random cure, results guaranteed.*
*Results are most certainly not guaranteed.
1. Catch a different disease. The best way to fight one sickness is to catch a different one to kick it out.
Sick with feelings? In love with someone who doesn’t love you back? Time to catch a good ‘ol case of e coli or salmonella.
This is scientifically proven by science and witchcraft. One strain of a deadly virus will cure you of your feelings.
2. Embrace Dungeons & Dragons. Why date someone when your character (who happens to be a strong, independent elf wizard who doesn’t need a woman distracting him) is busy fighting dragons, unicorns and math teachers?
You can always cast a spell on her to make him love you, depending on how high of a level you are.
3. Cats. Cats. Cats.
4. Focus on schoolwork. Being mercilessly guilt-tripped by your teachers for your late assignments on top of nursing a heartbreak?
The struggle. Kill two birds with one stone and do homework! If you’re unwilling and unmotivated, that’s perfectly fine; proceed to Step Five.
5. Give up. Feelings are unavoidable. Despite distracting yourself, feelings are like an annoying younger sibling. Let’s face it, if feelings and gushy emotions were a type of cake, it would probably be fruitcake.
If these results don’t work for you, heed this last piece of advice. Don’t let the lack of love bring you down. Despite the lack of someone the exchange germ-ridden saliva with, you can always count on your friends.
And if that doesn’t work, try dating one of your best friends. You risk getting friendship, cuddles and crushing rejections. What could possibly go wrong?